Sunday, December 9, 2012

When Saavi meets someone - Pt:1

To December. 3 months yeah?
To begin with a pathetic joke, Jaise pehli aur doosri santaan ke beech ho 3 saal ka antar, vaise hi do blogs main hai 3 maheeno ka antar..! blaah!

Anyways, it's going to be a very personal blog, (I think so...)which shall describe how does it feel when I meet someone. To be clear, when Saavi meets someone.

Once upon a time, there lived a girl very simple. Her motive was to study and be someone. Pretty competitive, she was Ok with speaking skills. The teachers preferred her zero period talks and English was something she was good at- highest marks most of the times.! Her classmates thought, "wo to kar legi.." But probably with a frown (not everybody is friendly with you).This 'Kya kar legi?' was something even she didn't know. 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th...12th.. School was over. And alike every student even she had the rock-strong confusion- "what will I be?" Though being from commerce, CA karna nahi, Bahar jaana nahi.. to kya? And then an audition changes your life.
She turns an RJ and offcourse the 'She' here is Saavi.

As most of you think, all Radio Jockeys are celebrities and they must be handled well by listeners. Off course the listeners love us. They begin their day with us and end it with our thoughts. They send us gifts and the most precious- their love for us. They believe what we say, they share what they feel. They help you to do good -change lives. We mean to them and they mean to us. They are lovely. In fact, one of the most heart touching moments are- when they come to give you their invitation cards. And the way they force us! There can't be a better feeling than that. They consider you family.

But that's about when you have been introduced to the people as an RJ and they know you an RJ only. The reactions of people are slightly more than different when once you were their classmate but now RJ.

I remember, it was last year that I attended one of my school friend's wedding. One of her friends (who was also my classmate) was also invited, let's name her 'Sn' (original name is what I shan't prefer writing). Sn knew it that I was RJ Saavi, but she purposely asked, " Where are you these days?" I told her. Surprised reaction was something I wasn't expecting either, but she was harsh. Her expression was something like, " So what?" I wanted to tell her, "Dear Sn, even I am not here to be RJ Saavi. If that was the case, my tones should have been flaunting and expression like-' who are you." But... sometimes we keep silent to avoid ill will. On my way to home I cried and told my sis, "It isn't my mistake that the audition chose me. God has been benevolent. And it is because of whom I am here. Why do the people behave that way? Because since years we never talked they think I am prudent??" My sis told don't bother.

Another instance, one of my classmates 'H'; I just caught his sight on Facebook. Sent him a request which he accepted. During a chat with him, I realized he had seen me during Dandia; but never approached me. I asked - why? to which he replied," Tu agar pehchaanti nahi to popat ho jaata" And I laughed. Afterall RJs bhi insaan hi hote hain. Why should we purposely avoid people?

My sis (C) met her colleague (S) in her school. This colleague happened to be my old classmate. And now even 'S'told, " Saavi was an intelligent one, some one who wouldn't prefer talking to people like us." As I got time I sent S a friend request. After all we don't judge people by precentage.

Similar have been other schoolmates who are prejudiced about us/me- as if we shan't talk to them Or as if we are acting celebs. Off course not! We aren't born with a frown. In fact, the prejudice hurts us. Once somebody thinks that I have turned prudent, it makes me feel 5 inch wound in my arm.

However, achchhe reactions bhi aaye hain and many of my classmates are my listeners. P told a few days ago, " Yaar tujhe kai dino se nahi suna.." And I went happier.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

An Undisputed Earning- His Smile!

Life is so full of surprises...When you see butterflies spreading their colors... when somebody calls you beautiful/ handsome... when wind blows your hair...when you get that extra share of pizza....ohh that's so very filmy!! (Imagine Ranbeer Kapoor as Barfi.. proposing his girl........)

But, is life so full of surprises each time?? I guess after yesterday's experience I'd say a No! It is full of shocks rather.

Actually, yesterday(15 sept)was the day for the distribution of Shiksha: Tadka Education Rewards. It was an act wherein we tried to help the meritorious students below poverty line towards motivation with a few requirements of theirs. Originally, I was mentally prepared to meet students with great percentage, probably not so good attires, not so exclusively smart but ya wonderful attitude. And I am glad as well as proud to say I met a few wonderful students. Not because they scored high; but because they scored despite their financial hindrances. Hats off to them!! I HEARTILY SALUTE THEM!!

However, beyond this stuff, I'd like to introduce to a child in the crowd- different from crowd. Before the guests' arrival I was chit chatting with the to-be-winner students. Everybody was narrating their stuff- how parents work as 'mazdoor', how do they stand in long ration lines, when they get a high percentage- but still Father says " kam hai!". But in between, a child sat blank, quiet and a little disturbed I guess. While the others were either listening or talking to me he made no such efforts. He was a 10th Pass but looked no older than an eighth class student. A maroon colored T-Shirt and he held a poly with some documents we hadn't asked for. All that attracted my attention was his simplicity but a silent expression. I simply called him, asking " Konsi class mein ho?"
He: 11th
I: School??
He: XYZ School
I: Intelligent ho tum to?Ye saath mein papa aaye hain? Tumhari % dekhkar khush hote honge na?
He: _________________

Just then the man with this child spoke, " Uske Papa ne use chhod diya hai.."
I could now understand his expression. why blank? why confused? why angry? why thoughtful? why insightful? or why questioning?
I didn't know what to say this child. He must be asking himself every now and then, "I am so intelligent.. phir bhi papa ne mujhe chhod diya.. kyo?" How should he be facing everyone who asked him about his father? I guess situations made him maturer than what the need was.

Dear God, I have a complaint to make to you. Why do You trouble the innocent? Don't tell me Raaz pichchhe janam ka...because that wouldn't be fair. Poor child what was his mistake?? But his life will be a war throughout! He'll face the war with the public who will speak ill of him without knowing his part! And for such parents... better throw the heart you carry in your body. use badnaam to mat karo~!



Monday, July 23, 2012

I never wanted to be a Radio Jockey!

After 4 and a half years the occasion has come when Tadka is searching for its new brand RJ!! Registrations will start on the 25th of July and Auditions will follow. Thereafter- qualifiers and then THE NEW VOICE SHALL BE PUT ON AIR!! It's like... Hi main hoon... RJ...!

Past 5 days, I have been narrating to people how to rehearse to be an RJ. I guess they are confused and excited too. The most frequent questions are:
1. What do we speak??
2. What is the eligibility?
3. Any qualifications?? etc. etc.

Memories float down my eyes when I think of my auditions... the lane to be a Radio Jockey. And because I have promised to write a blog that describes my auditions... here I am with the New Brand Blog Post.. (Before the new Rj off course.. :)!!)

So it was the month of December in 2007. Date is something I'm missing.. but ya I remember the day- It was a Saturday! Cold but sunny. You already know... how much these Saturdays and Sundays count to the students. They are like strawberries in the plate of jamuns! So, I had a plan to sleep all the day to make the best of what you call a holiday. I made my mindset too!! But destiny.. it is carved!

11:30 a.m.:
My sis came up with a newspaper advertisement that contained the pic of a dude-sort-of-boy with headphones. It read " Do you want to be a radio jockey?? Walk in with your resume today!" I yawned, Told my sis.. "So...?? What Do I do??" My sis gave me a friendly glare (Jaise fair and lovely ka advt chal raha ho.. arey audition de..teri kismat badal jaayegi.. chal na try to karte hain...!) And I was like...NNNNNOOO!! To be specific I was a sort of anti-media girl. "Ye media waale na sirf time waste karte hain.. ?(Pehle to mera selection hoga nahi.. aur maan lo... agar ho bhi gaya... to )ye kahenge...aaj nahi, kal aana, kal nahi 7 days baad." I just thought... ye bhi koi life hogi... they'll waste my precious-gold-like days and I will be simply crushed. So I refused. But sweethrt... I tell you an Anandi waali dadisa with rockstrong dialogues.. and two sisters with 'emotional blackmailing talent' are world's deadliest combinations.. they give you no choice!

To chalo... chalna to padega.. Patrika office.

3:45 p.m.
Though I am not a good manager with funds... but ya... I can 'latify' the things. I mean the auditions had to close at 4 and we reached only 15 mins. ago. (ACHCHHA HUA LATE HO GAYE...SHAYAD AUDITIONS KHATM HO GAYE HO..:p)But as we entered.. what do I see... a line of at least 200 people was erect. And I was like.. Chalo badhiya hai... itne logon mein mera selection.. impossible.. such talented people na.. :) Any ways I stood in the line and my sis followed. A lady stood in front of me.. pretty prepared.. she had a paper also.. with something smthing written! Probably she rehearsed. An who-so-ever was visible... everybody wished to be a radio jockey. I was releived... " Chalo, with such prepared people.. at least I won't wate my time! yuuuhuuuu!

With every contestant passing by voices doubled Thet asked the bakra-who-had given-the-audition..." Yaar.. kya pooch rahe hain..?"

Meanwhile... even my chance arrived, I sat on the chair... the person with a light purple shirt and a pair of spectacles asked me " Describe yourself.." I did. He then told,"Koi joke aata hai?" I hardly remember any jokes.. so it was a difficult one.. I narrated a haathi waala joke.. jo aaj bhi mujhe yaad nahi.." On emore question and he told.." You wait don't go.."

Even my sis had finished with her audition and she wasn't asked to stay back. I mumbled.. " yaar ye phir 3 din baad batayenge.. they'll waste my days.. lel's move home." My sis told no...! Stay back.. if they have said.

But they diddn't.. they introduced us to a link (what RJs speak) and asked us to speak about Cricket, Cinema and Kota. I did and re-thought.. ab to direct ghar.. but this still didn't happen. Instead, a girl quite senior to me came to ask me.. "how did u speak?" I told what... ?? like this only.

What happened next is a history... and Out of 8 of us who were sent for the final training at the head office where...only I was left as a radio jockey! Nothing to be over-proud.. but I guess.. RJing was my introduction to me! It is good to be an RJ...especially when you wish to change people's life positively. And they do change... the lives! So far, if you google search "RJ Saavi" you'll find that saavi completed her 1000 episodes last april.

I mean it.. I never did things to show off! God has been generous! and listeners more than good! I just I tried to do it the better way!


Monday, July 9, 2012

Even the thought is dreadful..!

It's raining in Kota... and I must say it is like heaven (par khayaal rahe... main swargwaasi nahi hoon..:P) As expected I should better talk about Kachoris.. pakodas or a mug of coffee... but then.. these (already) are graciously present in the statuses and cover photographs of my facebook friends.. to jo pata hai... use bataane ka kya matlab..?? audience badi samajhdaar hai aajkal..ek picture ko doosri baar nahi dekhti...story repeat to chhod hi do..

Well the point is--- aaj ka blog -'Even the thought is dreadful..!' Agar iss waqt mein show par hoti na.. contest hi poochh leti.. which thought is dreadful for Saavi?? Answer aate... maut ka khayaal, desh mein bhrashtaachhar ka khayaal, internet band hone ka khayaal, aapke boyfriend ke rooth jaane ka khayaal... etc.etc.

But beyond this answer,there is another fear- which I discovered today itself. Chhat pe baarish mein bheegte bheegte khayaal aaya... ki Saavi agar tu RJ nahi hoti to???

Vaise, not to lie my family keeps me out of these tantrums of being a record-holding RJ. My sis initially never told ke her sis(me) is an RJ. In my college, I never used name as an RJ and got my form deposited as a normal girl.. line mein khade hokar... though my boss then told-" Saavi tujhe jaane ki kya zaroorat thi.. tera kaam to yun hi ho jaata". I still go to market on foot- whenever I have time. So, it's like normal.

Parrr.. na jaane kyon pichhle 4 and a half years mein iss RJing ki aadat ho gayi hai..
I remember, on the first day of our traing our boss told- Now forget everything you are an RJ. Kuchh important dikhe to raat ko 12 baje bhi boss ko call karo.. bolo.. boss.. aisa and discuss... each and every moment u'll live another life.. RJ waali. And alike other times, maine use kuchh zyada hi seriously le liya.. ab tak bhugat rahe hain... A few side-effects being as narrated...

1. I am a morning jock, Pichhle 2-3 saalon se subah saadhe 5 baje hi uthti soon as somebody says...yaar aaj to 7 baje uthh gaya.. I flaunt- Arey mein to saadhe 5 baje uthi thi...As if they are interested!! uff! bless me!

2. Again being a morning jock...I hardly look at the breakfast menus... I know- kha to kabhi paaungi hi nahi.. show ka tym jo chalta hai..I have to sleep in tym aur agar office party hai.. phir bhi office to subah 6:30 hi panhuchna hai.

3. We even have to give some weather, as soon as somebody says... aaj kitni garmi hai.. I begin up saying- Ha temperature.. 41/ 42/43... 45 degree...etc. hai... as if mausam updates begin now.. phew!

4. Family ke cousins aapko RJsaavi didi bulaate hain... aur school mates to pehchaanne mein hi tym laga dete hain.. "achchha.. are you the same"

5. Specifically, for me- being a regular jock (1000 episodes without a holiday record) I got less holidays.. ab to chhutti par jaane se pehle bhi bahut sochna padta hai..

6. When I watch the television, seriously saying- I cannot watch it for pleasure.. aadat itni kharaab ho gayi hai,... ki aa bas show ke triggers hi dhoondhte ho.. ekta kapoor ke serial aise. onec a listener told.. please watch.. don't observe the serial..

7. My sis complaints.. "beta.. you'v gone more social and less emotional." And frankly, mujhe behte public nal se zyada problem hoti hai.. bajaay ke meri sis ke incomplete course se.. Jiju says.. "yaar ye.. saavi bolti ho to aise nahi lagta.. kitni badi baatein kar rahi hai.." hohohoho

8. Har cheez mein trigger (bolne ke topics) dhoondho.... problem hai RJs ki..doodh ubaalna se lekar daadhi banana.. I TELL YOU.. MAIN KISI PAR BHI SHOW KAR SAKTI HOO..

9. Status bhi aise update karte hain.. jaise public sab humein hi sunne baithi ho... ahahah

10. Tyohaar par hum ye nahi sochte.. ki ghar kaise sajaayein.. we think.. "yaar event kya kar sakte hain..??"

11. Ghar ke function ko..anchoring se event bana dete hain.. uff!!

Ghar wale kehte hain.. Pagal hain ye.. RJ hain ye..

Par mujhe pasand hai ye pagalpan.. where I thank God that he gave us a chance to change the lives of the people.. Our passion to speak for good is going ahead! Thanks to the listener who once told " Saavi.. aap bolte raho.. aapke bolne se kota aage jaayega.." :)

Par sach hai.. the thought is actually dreadful! Agar listeners chhoot gaye aadatein choot gayi to bhale hi mein ise laakh kosoon, par dukh to definitely hoga! (Imagine hindi film ka scene.. saavi wiping tears...)..
Good night!

Saturday, June 30, 2012

A Voice-over...

Samajh nahi aaya na...?? When I heard the term for the first time, even I didn't. It was like Sania Mirza asked about coriander, or Sushil Kumar told about 'Salsa'. Aur uspar bolte hain, "Voice-over karna hai Saavi... take the script". And Saavi-Clue-less! Aisa laga jaise 'yaad karte' hain na..vaise hi voiceover bhi karte honge.

However,about the voice-over I'll make it easier for you with the help of a short narration. Here it goes.

One of my male listener from Bihar called up the other day, saying "Congratulation, aap maa ban gaye.." And I was like "What Fish...? Single hona bhi matlab apraadh ho gaya. Maana people take pleasure in creating rumors about us... but ye to limit hi cross kar gaya...Imagine Main maa ban gayi.. aur mujhe pata hi nahi.." Immediately I said," achcha..?? Kab??" Listener- abhi abhi (no nine mths..?)maine aapki aawaaz suni. Ek advertisement main aap hi to apni beti se keh rahi thi..."Phir se itni mehngi Saree? lagta hai tumhe paison ki koi fiqr hi nahi.." Phir aapki beti kehti hai "nahi maa... fiqr hai... tabhi to maine ye saree li hai... ******* designer showroom se.."

For the first time in my life I sank in relief... I told the listener, "Okkk!! that ways...Ha wo to voice-over mein aisa hi hota hai...even we play different characters off air na." (except RJing u see..!)

Yaani character ki awaaz hai- Voice-over.In short VO.

Dear Reader, We are the radio people. And alike TV and film artists even we enact. Bas farq itna hai... wo dikhte hain aur hum sunai dete hain.

Wikipedia defines 'voice-over' as "a production technique where a voice that is not part of the narrative (non-diegetic) is used in a radio, television production, filmmaking, theatre, or other presentations.[1] The voice-over may be spoken by someone who appears elsewhere in the production or by a specialist voice actor. Also known as off-stage or off camera commentary"

Moral of the story- Jo voices aap radio spots/ television/ films/theaters/ presentation etc. main sunte hain (off course human voice-in language) -they are the voice-overs. In short VO. Pure audio effect, Voice-over has all the capability to enhance or deteriorate the final production.

When Big B narrates a movie in his own voice it is voice-over, when a female voice names its clients before the starting and after the ending of a TV Serial,"Iss programme ke praayojak mad angles- har angle se'muaah', boroplus prickly heat powder, tajmahal tea" it is a voice over. When I say "Phir se itni mehngi Saree? lagta hai tumhe paison ki koi fiqr hi nahi.." in a radio spot it is a voice-over. Even Ravi shastri in his commentary has voice-over.

Most of us think..."VO mein kya hai.. bas bolna hi to hota hai..itni si baat ke bhi paise milte hain in logon ko.." But no! VOs are quite difficult. You have you own style, you can't make it rhyming in informative ones.You should possess clear pronunciation, speed should be correct, you should know the feel and above everything pauses should be correct. Otherwise, your voice-over shan't sound good!
Infact, a bad VO spoils it all. Vedio achchha hai.. par Vo bekar to production bekaar! Personally I like the voice-overs of the lady for Sony TV (CLIENT ENDORSEMENT NAMES), and for colors-Promo male voice over used in serial Madhubala's Promotion! Quite emphatic...

I wish I could give you some sound examples, but main technically itna strong nahi hoon na... so phir kabhi- if you attend a personal class by me..!

Vaise ek baat kahoon.. main aksar TV/Film stars se kehti hoon.."ye log kya kya to advts. kar lete hain na- (remember M.S. Dhoni in mysore sandal soap :P)Dhyan Rakhna chahiye. I even tease them for this. But ab khud Voice-overs karte hain to pata lagta hai... Director jo kehta hai.. karna padta hai.. bOSS HUMSE BHI NAHI POOCHHTE -tUM VO KAROGE KYA?? Bas farmaan milta hai.." Saavi- wife ka chracter hai, bahu ki feel laana... aur maa.. uska role bhi hai.." Real life mein to bane nahi.. par karna padta hai.. That's profession u see..

Aur ab bas...'Voice-over par nibandh lekhan finish.. Good day!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A letter to Marwar...

A letter to Marwar...
From Home to another Home- who beats in my heart...Marwar!

Dear Marwar, How are you? With a hope that you are in best of your health and spirits... finally I have convinced myself to write to you. You must be thinking, 'why a letter to me today...? we haven't met since years..' Ya, I understand I haven't met you since years. But I guess the same guilt forces me to write to you today.

I remember, when I was in class H.K.G., Mamma Papa got me enrolled in city's best school- Modern school- an English medium convent. And you know what- I hated you then. I always took care that by no means I should speak Marwari in school. If 'gaon' had to be mentioned of, I spoke 'MARWAR' in such a spooky English tone that everybody thought -IT IS A MODERN VILLAGE!!(Imagine modern village.) In fact, when papa came to pick me up-I felt like.. "Papa, why do you speak marwari in my school?? What will my friends think?? Will they not find me 'Ganvaar'?? Huh.!. Papa never got good marks in English. So he wanted us to be such good at English that nobody is able to question. His thought got us into English English English. I mean, we children had to converse in English only. Further, English was compulsory in school too. So by any means my greatest way to be in touch with you was a mile away. Yaani angrezi ke chakkar mein marwari kam boli. But ya don't worry- English ke baad sabse zyada Marwari hi boli.

Fondest of my memories regarding you- come from my childhood. I guess I have been at your place twice or thrice. Summer holidays and a wedding! Ya,when I was young, there was a craze.. and if not craze.. a will to move to 'नानाणे- नाना का घर . नानी भाणो देई ... नाना पान लगाई... मैं खेलां ...and what not. But I guess with time everything changes. Your cousins are your competitors and lack of will creates gaps in visiting too. I think that's quite personal to share, but- I think nani always liked her male grandchildren more than me.. so even that created a question mark on my visits.

Recently, there were 2-3 weddings in the family that occurred at your place- Dalu Bhaiya, Sonu, renu jiji.. Somehow, even they didn't force and I guess I hve been busier than Bill Gates..! Earlier studies and now Job... they haven't given me time to visit you. This troubles me. my heart pains too. Papa says, "निकालो महीने भर रो time" and I say a no. No options you see. But I miss you.. I miss that टांके पर bath, बोर्टी री छाया , गाँव री रेत , बाड़ो , मोर रा पंख ... etc, etc.I miss you marwar.

Thanks to facebook. I liked 'पतासी काकी ' today itself and was overwhelmed to see what exists in 'मारवाड़ ' दादी रो लाड , ऊंटा री सवारी , बाजरे री रोटी , केर रो अचार , छत माथे सूणों, मतीरे रो साग .

However,I am sorry. I haven't visited you for more than 10 years just because of my prejudices.I know saying is not enough. But I seriously mean it... I will love you forever. I will definitely take up you in my life as much as I can... whether it be laapsi in food, ghaaghro in clothing, mojadi in foot or language.. BUt please forgive me!

And ya, sorry for writing in English. Actually, my expressions take a better leap in English. Hope you understand.

Thanks and regards

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A dissatisfied post..!

A listener asked today, “Are you dissatisfied with your life??”
OMG! Usey bhi pata chal gaya ke I am dissatisfied. Ohh No! O s(h)it!!

Originally, I should ponder upon the fact that how did the listener know that I am dissatisfied. Radio par to dikhta bhi nahi. But then, I guess, the technology has advanced in such a way that everything can happen. If Shahrukh can create the super flop ‘Ra- One’ even the listener can gauge my dissatisfaction. In fact, this brings me to a conclusion that- dissatisfaction is like love- chhipaaye nahi chhipta! And the more you try to hide the better will be its visibility.

Vaise, coming back to DISSATISFACTION- the act certainly possesses some symptoms. Or to explain it ‘bitter’ ye sab situations hongi tab aapke dissatisfied hone ki sambhaavnaayen badh jaati hain. So,here I narrate-

SYMPTOM No. 1: Early show: Dear reader, I am a Radio Jockey –who has to present live shows on air. With my show timing being: Morning 7 to 12 noon, I have to wake up at 5:30 in the morning. In this world of super luxury, imagine when people sleep till 10 in the morning, if I am asked to wake up before 6, tell me is that not a reason of dissatisfaction…??

SYMPTOM No. 2: Regular Shows: Dear Reader, if you have read my previous posts, you’ll know that I am an RJ who has completed 1000 shows on air without a holiday. Ab socho jab 4 saalon se sirf 9 din ki chhutti hi mili ho… dissatisfaction nahi hoga???

SYMPTOM No. 3: Same Job: You know what?? They say one should change his/her private job within 3 years. Now that I have completed 4 years in a single institution, more than I feel, the people’s comments make me feel.. “Saavi.. 4 saalon se ek hi jagah….??? Ohh no! Koi aur offer nahi hoga?? (Well Bro.. this is a secret is the.. radio mein hai naukriyon ka jamghat is the..! I mean- even I had handsome job offers.. but nothing could be finalized, so I am here ) Par log kahan samajhte hain… ab batao nahi hoga dissatisfaction..??

SYMPTOM No. 4: I haven’t had my own Bangla or Gaddi: You guys might not take it that seriously, but people are so ambitious these days that by the time they have worked for 3-4 years they possess their Bangla, Gaddi… and if not both- a 4wheeler Gaddi at least. And look at me- main to aaj bhi Papa ki gaddi mein ghoomti hoon… so kaho… nahi hoga dissatisfaction??

SYMPTOM No. 5: I am a little less flaunting: O yes! I actually can’t display too much. Na mere paas 20 hazar ka mobile hai, na main roz facebook par pictures post karti hoon, and I am not brand cautious either. In fact, you know what I can’t even digest a 15-20 lakh tak ki gaddi. Meaning, I start feeling giddy and my head rolls in all sort of luxury cars. Ab in nakhron ke bina, how will, I turn eligible to be an ‘ameer’ or an ameer RJ. So another cause of my dissatisfaction.

SYMPTOM No.6: I wasn’t born Katrina: You see, life’s pretty worse. Jitne deewane Katrina ke hain… humare kahan??? So, dissatisfaction to hai.. (Are you taking me seriously./…?? Pls. don’t :P)

SYMPTOM No. 7: Absence of a boyfriend : Probably, this one’s the most interesting one. Till date, many have proposed on air but ‘Mera to boyfriend bhi nahi hai’ Reason being I know people don’t fall in love with voices. Aur phir, kiske durdin aaye hain.. ki humein jhele…?? In all, personally I really don’t have time for a boyfriend, but as you let somebody know the fact, they behave awk…- with the mouth wide open they say “WhaaaatT!”

SYMPTOM No. 8: Regular RJing habits: I don’t know whether you know it or not but as an RJ we have to worry about everything. Our links, our shows, our triggers and what not. If even a link of mine is not delivered properly, I am tensed. I dream of studio, links even today. So.. even an improper show is a dissatisfaction.

For now, as I have already narrated so many causes, I should rather jump from a height, or kill myself. But no sweetheart. I mean it- A FEW PIECES OF DISSATISFACTION ARE GOOD FOR LIFE. FOR THEY KEEP YOU WORKING… WORKING HARD! DISSATISFACTION BREEDS PERFECTION!

So dear Listener, yes I am dissatisfied but I enjoy being one!!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Suicide... really difficult hai re.....!!

With the heading... it's pretty clear that my long awaited blog's heroine is SUICIDE today...! (bhale hi aap wait nahi kar rahe hain mere blog ka- phir bhi jhooth bol deejiye k- u were waiting for my blog... mujhe achcha lagega.. )

Actually, a listener called up in the morning weeping hard. She said, "Did you see a child committed suicide..?? look at his Mom.." Urgently, I should have rather consoled her saying.. "dear don't cry.. How will the child's spirit in the heaven react.??" But I didn't say so. Reason being, that should have been a drama. I mean, jiska marta hai, wahi rota hai.. we might feel the pain... but we DON'T FEEL THE REAL PAIN. Though, I try hard to motivate the students.. but I know.. RJs ke kehne se kuchh nahi rukta hai.. (A hard reality.. but face it..!)

Anyways, not to deviate from the trigger, SUICIDE is something that we read about too much. Tear shedding mothers, erudite psychologists, writing media-men.. and above everything AN EMPTY FEELING... NOTHING CAN FILL IN THE SPACE. But who cares.. at least jo suicide karte hain... unhe to shayad kisi ki koi fiqr hoti hi nahi.. hoti... to karte hi kyon...?? In fact, all of us are quite filmy too.I remember, one of the incidences when even I thought of committing a suicide. So here I narrate,

When I read in standard 3, it was the time for Annual Exams. My sister taught/ prepared me for the Maths Exam- n that too in such a way that I should have scored 100/100. But somehow, I missed the mark, and after all scrutinies (matching answers) it was declared that I shall not get more than 93. Seven marks/...?? OMG.. My sister was enraged.. she scolded me saying," I spent the whole night after you... and you have spoilt all my aspirations. Now that your percentage shan't be as high... what do you wish to do..??" I cried hard. Not because I hadn't performed well, or I should have improved. But because my sister scolded me. It was a feeling like, "They don't know what I am, how hard have I worked, N now- I'LL SAY A BYE TO THIS WORLD, SO THAT THEY KNOW- WHAT IS MY VALUE...ONCE I GO, THEY WILL KNOW WHAT HAVE THEY LOST.." In simple language, thanks to the bollywood sequences, I had actually decided to commit a suicide.... WOW!! CLASS THREE- AND MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO DIE.!!

So for now, the question was- how to die??. And to remind myself properly, environment at my place was quite non-suicide friendly. A broader description:

1. RAT KILLER: Even Choohe maarne ki dawa (like mortien) was prohibited at my home. Kya pata bachche galti se kha lein to...?? But whom to say.. galti se nahi... hum to jaan kar ke marna chahte hain..! huh!

2. VEGETABLE KNIFE/ BLADE: My personal television experience said, damaging the hand nerves was also an apt option to try committing suicide. But blade kahan se laayein... my papa was so tall that he kept his shaving at such a high position- that I should have rather grown 12 more years to reach the same position without a stool. Aur agar stool lao, to... pehle batao... WHY DO YOU NEED THAT BLADE. And for the knife, usse sabzi na kate gardan to door ki baat hai! huh!

3. ROAD ACCIDENT: Being a literate at that moment I was well aware of the news pieces in the akhbaar. "SADAK HAADSE MEIN 2 KI MAUT.." So I thought," gud to die with a bus/ truck ka tyre" But babu.. when I gave the same a nazdeeq waala look.. I realized, " Oh no!! isse to haddi pasli toot jaayegi.. Dard hoga...!! idea dropped!" huh!!

4. CYANIDE: My sis was a bio student, and I remember, she told, " we find Cyanide in the laboratories- bas ek baar tongue par daalo aur kaam khatm.. ! na dard an tension! kaam! Par billi ke gale mein ghanti baandhega kaun?? I mean CYANIDE LAAYEGA KAUN?? If sis se kaha... to suicide kaise hogi?? Surprize to khatm ho jaayega.." so again idea dropped huh!!

5. FALLING FROM A HEIGHT: This was another bright option in front of me. Reason being- mera ghar bhi bahut ooncha hai.. So I climbed up the chhajja the highest point of my home. ( I gave the excuse- main chugga daalne jaa rahi hoon..). But as I looked down.. OMG!! itni height??? mar gaye... even Everest should have fallen short (usse koodna thode hi tha...)PAPA RE AGAR KOOD GAYI AUR HADDI PASLI TOOT GAYI...DARD HOGA.. PHIR BHI BACH GAYI..TO GHAR WALE MAAR DAALENGE!! So... again idea dropped..huh!!

6. HANGING FROM THE CEILING: My height again- re-ditched me. Fan tak chhodo papa ke kandhe tak nahi aati main. Bless Rajpal Yadav- even he cannot commit suicide with this method. So idea re-dropped. huh!

7. ELECTRIC SHOCK: I tell you even this is quite difficult. Shaktiman ne mana kiya tha switches ko haath lagane ke liye: So idea dropped huh!

8. DHATOORE KE BEEJ: Ya you read it right,'dhatoore ke beej'.. My sis- those days made a herbarium fle (biology) She was asked to paste specimen plants. And she once told, "dhatoore ke beej khaane se mar jaate hain.." So obviously I searched for her herbarium file... aakhir kahin to suicide karne ke upkaran to milein..!!

AND DEAR READER, THIS IS WHERE MY SIS GAUGED IT ALL. SHE INQUIRED, AND NOW KNEW OF MY EXCLUSIVE SUICIDE IDEAS.!! As usual, my sis specialized in emotional blackmailing, so she talked to me and finally within half an hour of all my suicide efforts -she convinced me- KE BETA ACHCHE BACHCHE SUICIDE ATTEMPT NAHI KARTE... BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS MISS YOU... YOU ARE SO SPECIAL THAT YOU ARE NEEDED IN THIS WORLD!! so..suicide nahi karte.

And bless my obedience, aaj tak zinda hoon main...