Monday, January 30, 2012

Suicide... really difficult hai re.....!!

With the heading... it's pretty clear that my long awaited blog's heroine is SUICIDE today...! (bhale hi aap wait nahi kar rahe hain mere blog ka- phir bhi jhooth bol deejiye k- u were waiting for my blog... mujhe achcha lagega.. )

Actually, a listener called up in the morning weeping hard. She said, "Did you see a child committed suicide..?? look at his Mom.." Urgently, I should have rather consoled her saying.. "dear don't cry.. How will the child's spirit in the heaven react.??" But I didn't say so. Reason being, that should have been a drama. I mean, jiska marta hai, wahi rota hai.. we might feel the pain... but we DON'T FEEL THE REAL PAIN. Though, I try hard to motivate the students.. but I know.. RJs ke kehne se kuchh nahi rukta hai.. (A hard reality.. but face it..!)

Anyways, not to deviate from the trigger, SUICIDE is something that we read about too much. Tear shedding mothers, erudite psychologists, writing media-men.. and above everything AN EMPTY FEELING... NOTHING CAN FILL IN THE SPACE. But who cares.. at least jo suicide karte hain... unhe to shayad kisi ki koi fiqr hoti hi nahi.. hoti... to karte hi kyon...?? In fact, all of us are quite filmy too.I remember, one of the incidences when even I thought of committing a suicide. So here I narrate,

When I read in standard 3, it was the time for Annual Exams. My sister taught/ prepared me for the Maths Exam- n that too in such a way that I should have scored 100/100. But somehow, I missed the mark, and after all scrutinies (matching answers) it was declared that I shall not get more than 93. Seven marks/...?? OMG.. My sister was enraged.. she scolded me saying," I spent the whole night after you... and you have spoilt all my aspirations. Now that your percentage shan't be as high... what do you wish to do..??" I cried hard. Not because I hadn't performed well, or I should have improved. But because my sister scolded me. It was a feeling like, "They don't know what I am, how hard have I worked, N now- I'LL SAY A BYE TO THIS WORLD, SO THAT THEY KNOW- WHAT IS MY VALUE...ONCE I GO, THEY WILL KNOW WHAT HAVE THEY LOST.." In simple language, thanks to the bollywood sequences, I had actually decided to commit a suicide.... WOW!! CLASS THREE- AND MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO DIE.!!

So for now, the question was- how to die??. And to remind myself properly, environment at my place was quite non-suicide friendly. A broader description:

1. RAT KILLER: Even Choohe maarne ki dawa (like mortien) was prohibited at my home. Kya pata bachche galti se kha lein to...?? But whom to say.. galti se nahi... hum to jaan kar ke marna chahte hain..! huh!

2. VEGETABLE KNIFE/ BLADE: My personal television experience said, damaging the hand nerves was also an apt option to try committing suicide. But blade kahan se laayein... my papa was so tall that he kept his shaving at such a high position- that I should have rather grown 12 more years to reach the same position without a stool. Aur agar stool lao, to... pehle batao... WHY DO YOU NEED THAT BLADE. And for the knife, usse sabzi na kate gardan to door ki baat hai! huh!

3. ROAD ACCIDENT: Being a literate at that moment I was well aware of the news pieces in the akhbaar. "SADAK HAADSE MEIN 2 KI MAUT.." So I thought," gud to die with a bus/ truck ka tyre" But babu.. when I gave the same a nazdeeq waala look.. I realized, " Oh no!! isse to haddi pasli toot jaayegi.. Dard hoga...!! idea dropped!" huh!!

4. CYANIDE: My sis was a bio student, and I remember, she told, " we find Cyanide in the laboratories- bas ek baar tongue par daalo aur kaam khatm.. ! na dard an tension! kaam! Par billi ke gale mein ghanti baandhega kaun?? I mean CYANIDE LAAYEGA KAUN?? If sis se kaha... to suicide kaise hogi?? Surprize to khatm ho jaayega.." so again idea dropped huh!!

5. FALLING FROM A HEIGHT: This was another bright option in front of me. Reason being- mera ghar bhi bahut ooncha hai.. So I climbed up the chhajja the highest point of my home. ( I gave the excuse- main chugga daalne jaa rahi hoon..). But as I looked down.. OMG!! itni height??? mar gaye... even Everest should have fallen short (usse koodna thode hi tha...)PAPA RE AGAR KOOD GAYI AUR HADDI PASLI TOOT GAYI...DARD HOGA.. PHIR BHI BACH GAYI..TO GHAR WALE MAAR DAALENGE!! So... again idea dropped..huh!!

6. HANGING FROM THE CEILING: My height again- re-ditched me. Fan tak chhodo papa ke kandhe tak nahi aati main. Bless Rajpal Yadav- even he cannot commit suicide with this method. So idea re-dropped. huh!

7. ELECTRIC SHOCK: I tell you even this is quite difficult. Shaktiman ne mana kiya tha switches ko haath lagane ke liye: So idea dropped huh!

8. DHATOORE KE BEEJ: Ya you read it right,'dhatoore ke beej'.. My sis- those days made a herbarium fle (biology) She was asked to paste specimen plants. And she once told, "dhatoore ke beej khaane se mar jaate hain.." So obviously I searched for her herbarium file... aakhir kahin to suicide karne ke upkaran to milein..!!

AND DEAR READER, THIS IS WHERE MY SIS GAUGED IT ALL. SHE INQUIRED, AND NOW KNEW OF MY EXCLUSIVE SUICIDE IDEAS.!! As usual, my sis specialized in emotional blackmailing, so she talked to me and finally within half an hour of all my suicide efforts -she convinced me- KE BETA ACHCHE BACHCHE SUICIDE ATTEMPT NAHI KARTE... BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS MISS YOU... YOU ARE SO SPECIAL THAT YOU ARE NEEDED IN THIS WORLD!! so..suicide nahi karte.

And bless my obedience, aaj tak zinda hoon main...


  1. I was waiting for ur suicide.. sorry post ;)

    1. @prabhu .. I believe you.. I know u were waiting for my suicide, though u sound like one of the attempt holders... but wait for mine... butttttt...... :P